Questions You Would Ask if You Saw Me

The holidays are a great time for running around, eating too much, and spending quality(?) time with friends and family.  I remember going to my grandparents' homes on Christmas Day and having the same discussion with nearly everyone over the age of 25. (And in total I have 20 aunts and uncles, so I remember this conversation well.)

Hi Ashley! Give me a hug! You've gotten so big! (I smile while generally being smushed against rib cages or ample chests with a muffled "Mfrank tchou.)
How is school going? (It's good. I like school. They let me get my work done and then let me read. It was pretty much all I wanted.)
You're in ____ grade now, right? (Nope. Doesn't matter.)
Who's your teacher? (Mrs. _________. Not that you know her.)
Is she nice? (Sure. She lets me borrow her books and read when I get my work done.)
Where's your brother? (I'm not sure. I'll go get him for you.)

And that was my cue to escape to the basement where my cousins and I would play games, make up plays/musicals, create human pyramids, and bother the older kids. They were cool. Really cool. They had letter jackets, carried footballs, sported side ponytails, acid-washed jeans and BIG permed hair with flippy bangs.

Christmas with G&G West: 1985
Can you spot the coolest kids?

On Thanksgiving, I caught myself doing the same routine with anyone under the age of 21. It must be a requirement of childhood.

Now that I'm visibly pregnant there is a similar set of questions to answer.

Hi Ashley! Give me a hug! You've gotten so big! You really are pregnant, huh? (Yup. The stick said so, the blood test confirmed it and the ultrasound proved that there is only one baby in there. Oh, and I'll have to give you a butt-out hug because these babies are 2 cup sizes larger and the belly sticks out an inch beyond them.)

And now you see why the butt-out hug is a requirement.

Blank stare. How many months is that? (IDK. The books and doctors only care about weeks.  Do the math. I'm somewhere between 4 and 7 months.)

Are you having a boy or girl? (Cue the monologue.) "Well, we don't know yet, but the doctor does. You see, Jason wanted to know the gender, but I wanted to be surprised at delivery.  It would have been okay for him to know, but we both knew he wouldn't keep it a secret and I didn't want his second cousin's neighbor to know the genitalia of the baby I was growing before me, the grower. Soooooo, (deep breath) we decided to split the difference in time and have the doctor write down whether we are growing a boy or a girl on a Christmas card and then put the card on the tree to be opened on Christmas morning.  This way we find out before the babe emerges, but it can be a private moment and memory for us."

People only respond in 2 ways to this.
1) That's SO ADORABLE! Your baby really is a gift from God and your idea is so sweet.  (Swoons.) Your self-control must be incredible. I don't think I would have been able to wait. Did you peek? Do you want to peek?
2) (Blank stare.) Why? If you're going to find out, why did you wait so long?

Harumph.

So, have you had an weird cravings? "Pineapple, oranges, clementines, kosher dill pickle juice, milk, butter pecan ice cream, cheese balls, wonton soup, shrimp (which I didn't like before,) beer, and merlot."

You look good. How much weight have you gained? At first I was taken back by this inquiry, but I've found that pregnant women belong to the world, and no question is too personal.  "As of my last doctor's appointment, 5 pounds." (Never before in my life had I had ANY trouble gaining weight, but now that I'm encouraged to pack on the pounds, I can't seem to rise to the occasion. It adds to my feelings of inadequacy, but I suppose this would have happened if I had stopped drinking beer and wine for 6+ months and threw up continuously for 2 of those months.)

Are you excited? It depends. Excited to meet, snuggle, cuddle, coo over, sing to, and generally adore Peanut? Absolutely!! Excited to expose lady parts to a plethora of medical personnel while experiencing some serious trauma? Not so much.

Are you going to breastfeed/co-sleep/have an epidural? Yup. Doubt it. I'm no hero, so I'm planning to get whatever they'll give me. Do you think medicinal marijuana is an option? (jk...)

Where's Jason? I'm not sure. I'll go get him for you.

So, hopefully I've answered some of  you questions without being too smug. (Click on the word smug. You'll love it.)

Gratitude List (from yesterday)
Chance to catch up with friends from high school
Great meal at Fahrenheit 600
All of the bathrooms in my house were clean at the same time
Finished wrapping the presents
Baked a new recipe
The cashier at WalMart told me about a sale at another store and gave me the price match
Long chat with Amanda as she drove back from Louisville
Neither the cat nor dog broke an ornament yesterday